Sit Spot, Day 5

9:00-9:20 sit tonight.

Still find myself resisting the effort to be actively aware at my spot. The mindlessness and state of waking sleep I've been existing in for months now are holding me strong, and for the moment I am succeeding in going to my sit spot but not in sitting in awareness once there. It is suprisingly easy for me to keep to my daily sit spot routine, as though some part of me at least is committed to taking on this practice.

Having work to complete tonight, I knew I needed to keep my sitting time to the minimum of 20 minutes. I decided to forgo the slow stalk to my tree and instead to stalk only to the grass near it. This way, I could take the whole 20 minutes to just be still and work on awareness, and not risk moving quickly and flushing the birds from the tree, especially in this season of nesting.

The scent of pond wafted in at me as I approached the tree. I know this smell well, as one of my brothers and I wallowed many a summer day in a tiny frog pond a little distance from our house as children. The earthy, wet smell of adventure. I was reminded of the knowledge that humans can smell when water is nearby; this was certainly a wonderful example.

Very still evening. No wind, no frog calls. Just the occasional rustling in the briar bushes and one squeak. Memories of the night noises I heard in my youth from the mice I kept caged in my bedroom.

Still reluctant to follow my intuition, my guidance all the time. Where is the switch to throw that will give our will and ego over to the creator so we can just walk as we are guided every moment, all our lives? This sleepiness, dullness of my senses feels a direct response to the challenge of coming into my awareness. What I have to lose is the focus on and fulfillment of my personal desires, preferences and conveniences. What I have to gain is connection to every being in this world, connection to my core. What I have to gain is clarity of action, intent, and purpose.