just a few moments outside today.
the natural world felt so free of most of the cares that seem to fester indoors: bills, clutter, paperwork to be dealt with. out of doors, there was the darkness, the wind, the moon, clouds, sleeping animals, sleeping birds. everything is real, and living, and present. stepping outside was like diving into deep water, a completely different world from the one we've created in our house.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
Day 15, Friday, March 14
sat on porch today, on blanket, under blanket. morning sit.
more ground has been uncovered. kamana has me noticing the layout of the land, the shades of colors where before i only noticed what kinds of plants or trees they were. the blue in the snow, where the clouds are in the sky.
cold breeze from the north, but still the smell of the earth. six crows flew high overhead, then two more following. five gulls, south to north. a flock of songbirds, too far for me to recognize.
miss my tree, my quiet space, my place in nature. growing accustomed to being inside these walls all day long again. lungs are still heavy and energy is still low. might venture out tomorrow for a good sit.
more ground has been uncovered. kamana has me noticing the layout of the land, the shades of colors where before i only noticed what kinds of plants or trees they were. the blue in the snow, where the clouds are in the sky.
cold breeze from the north, but still the smell of the earth. six crows flew high overhead, then two more following. five gulls, south to north. a flock of songbirds, too far for me to recognize.
miss my tree, my quiet space, my place in nature. growing accustomed to being inside these walls all day long again. lungs are still heavy and energy is still low. might venture out tomorrow for a good sit.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
March 13
sick me and sick boy, so no sitting yesterday or today. but kamana one continues to go well...
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Day 14, Tuesday, March 11
another twilight sit.
noticed the spaces between the pine branches tonight. enough for an owl to swoop in and land. enough for a child to sit on a branch and have a good view.
the trees now have an arc of cleared ground extending from the southeast to the west, echoing the shape of the moon these days, but a little broader. sat today in my snowpants, boots, bulky warm winter coat, hat, scarf, and perfectly content in the cold. felt myself a fox, or an owl, fur or feathers fluffed up to hold the warmth, perfectly at home in the cold, perfectly suited to be out in it. how bare-skinned we humans are, how naturally ill-prepared for this weather! wanted to be like the animals and the birds, who sit, trot, fly naturally and in harmony outdoors, complete unto themselves, self-sufficient. but we found the furs and skins to suit us, and then the plants as well, and here we are today, able to be out of doors in all weather, but instead shutting ourselves up almost all of our living moments under rooves, between walls, raising our children this way, establishing a society built upon being indoors, living unquestioningly this existence of cave-dwellers, cave-livers.
could smell the earth today, on the breeze. contemplated, while sitting, where i will build a shelter this coming summer, with the branches of our friends the trees who will be taken down for the new road and house that will be built here soon.
noticed the spaces between the pine branches tonight. enough for an owl to swoop in and land. enough for a child to sit on a branch and have a good view.
the trees now have an arc of cleared ground extending from the southeast to the west, echoing the shape of the moon these days, but a little broader. sat today in my snowpants, boots, bulky warm winter coat, hat, scarf, and perfectly content in the cold. felt myself a fox, or an owl, fur or feathers fluffed up to hold the warmth, perfectly at home in the cold, perfectly suited to be out in it. how bare-skinned we humans are, how naturally ill-prepared for this weather! wanted to be like the animals and the birds, who sit, trot, fly naturally and in harmony outdoors, complete unto themselves, self-sufficient. but we found the furs and skins to suit us, and then the plants as well, and here we are today, able to be out of doors in all weather, but instead shutting ourselves up almost all of our living moments under rooves, between walls, raising our children this way, establishing a society built upon being indoors, living unquestioningly this existence of cave-dwellers, cave-livers.
could smell the earth today, on the breeze. contemplated, while sitting, where i will build a shelter this coming summer, with the branches of our friends the trees who will be taken down for the new road and house that will be built here soon.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Day 13, Monday, March 10
twilight sit.
still evening. everything in the world seemed at rest save the cars. one pale green blade of grass nodded lazily above the needles, which are expanding outward from the trunk of the pine toward the south, the snow receding and the memory of the yard becoming reality.
a little neighbor boy's mom called to him, then stillness, then again the door opened and she called, then stillness. minutes later, a sudden crunching announced his movement over the snow, from somewhere near their backyard shed. i couldn't see him through the brambles and tree trunks, but i could hear him chatting away to himself. then a sudden crash, and he appeared from behind a pine, collecting himself after a fall in the snow. his brother poked his head out the door, having been sent to find him, and upon seeing him, asked where he'd been. the little boy said "playing!"
wonderful little human, wanting to be out in the natural world.
still evening. everything in the world seemed at rest save the cars. one pale green blade of grass nodded lazily above the needles, which are expanding outward from the trunk of the pine toward the south, the snow receding and the memory of the yard becoming reality.
a little neighbor boy's mom called to him, then stillness, then again the door opened and she called, then stillness. minutes later, a sudden crunching announced his movement over the snow, from somewhere near their backyard shed. i couldn't see him through the brambles and tree trunks, but i could hear him chatting away to himself. then a sudden crash, and he appeared from behind a pine, collecting himself after a fall in the snow. his brother poked his head out the door, having been sent to find him, and upon seeing him, asked where he'd been. the little boy said "playing!"
wonderful little human, wanting to be out in the natural world.
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Day 12, Sunday, March 9 (Daylight Savings)
afternoon sit.
delicious day. sun, clouds, wondrous cold breeze inspiring all the trees to dance, each cluster taking their turn in time. the branches are all free of ice and snow now, and celebrate it, moving lightly, the breeze sliding through them in waves.
sat on a bed of pine needles today, fallen from my pine. wet leaves partially decomposed upon them, sinking through their woven rug.
noticed a far pine today, only because the wind sang through it before reaching the other pines near me. been there all along, but my eye never saw it, its height, anything about it. now, at my computer, i see it for the first time out the window, too. a background tree.
yesterday's rain froze on the snow overnight. now its icy, firm surface elicits trust for a few steps, only to drop me suddenly through to my knee as i move across it.
delicious day. sun, clouds, wondrous cold breeze inspiring all the trees to dance, each cluster taking their turn in time. the branches are all free of ice and snow now, and celebrate it, moving lightly, the breeze sliding through them in waves.
sat on a bed of pine needles today, fallen from my pine. wet leaves partially decomposed upon them, sinking through their woven rug.
noticed a far pine today, only because the wind sang through it before reaching the other pines near me. been there all along, but my eye never saw it, its height, anything about it. now, at my computer, i see it for the first time out the window, too. a background tree.
yesterday's rain froze on the snow overnight. now its icy, firm surface elicits trust for a few steps, only to drop me suddenly through to my knee as i move across it.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Day 11, Saturday, March 8
morning sit. cool breeze, overcast, heavy rain in the forecast.
stood with the babe napping on my chest for my sit today. family coming for a visit, grateful for my commitment to sitting, for the peace of having my time outside this morning. i can feel my knowledge of this place, of the natural world, sinking in to me deeper and deeper as the days go by. when i look out the window now, i really know what that weather feels like, i know the sound of it, the feel, the personality, the companionship of it. daily sitting is quite different from just moving through the outdoors to take a walk, to work in the garden.
birds are very busy. seven jays erupting intermittently into a chorus of proclamations. figured them to be competing for territories, but then five of them flew together over my yard, appeared amicable. goldfinches, chickadees calling & singing, and two others whose notes i didn't recognize. crows calling, shouting. first cardinal in a while came near the feeder this morning, along with the doves who have been visiting the ground below it. Big Gray today was studying ways to get to the feeder itself, no longer content with the ground pickings. haven't seen our three-legged Gray for a few weeks, who for two years has been happy on the ground; perhaps it knows it can't maneuver across the clothesline to get to the feeder.
snow surface is slushy, heavy now, with large crystals. footfalls leave a definite mark, but messy, the grains of slush falling, crumbling easily.
stood with the babe napping on my chest for my sit today. family coming for a visit, grateful for my commitment to sitting, for the peace of having my time outside this morning. i can feel my knowledge of this place, of the natural world, sinking in to me deeper and deeper as the days go by. when i look out the window now, i really know what that weather feels like, i know the sound of it, the feel, the personality, the companionship of it. daily sitting is quite different from just moving through the outdoors to take a walk, to work in the garden.
birds are very busy. seven jays erupting intermittently into a chorus of proclamations. figured them to be competing for territories, but then five of them flew together over my yard, appeared amicable. goldfinches, chickadees calling & singing, and two others whose notes i didn't recognize. crows calling, shouting. first cardinal in a while came near the feeder this morning, along with the doves who have been visiting the ground below it. Big Gray today was studying ways to get to the feeder itself, no longer content with the ground pickings. haven't seen our three-legged Gray for a few weeks, who for two years has been happy on the ground; perhaps it knows it can't maneuver across the clothesline to get to the feeder.
snow surface is slushy, heavy now, with large crystals. footfalls leave a definite mark, but messy, the grains of slush falling, crumbling easily.
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